What if Men Blamed us as Often as we Blame them? Be Fair! :)

What if a guy wrote a text post? Would it look something like this?

     Something that I’ve been thinking about and can’t say I’ve ever noticed or seen: What if guys used social media for encouragement about looking for the right kind of girl? It sounds like a funny thought! I’ve noticed at times that we ladies take on the mindset that most of society has given to us where “it’s always his fault.” We allow others to tell us “He’s not worth your time,” “he doesn’t know how to treat a girl and put her first,” “he isn’t a godly man, he pretended to be.” They all fill our minds with “you deserve better than that,” “you deserve a man who will drop everything for you,” “if he can’t do this instead, he doesn’t love you!” What if we evaluated our hearts?

     It’s not realistic, and it’s not fair. Let’s be real…it’s not all his fault. Did we ever stop to think, “Have I ever asked too much? Have I ever overreacted? Have I ever asked him to put me before God? Have I ever been controlling?”

     There are so many posts and articles about being a godly wife. At our age, some of us aren’t yet a wife. I feel that it sometimes doesn’t give the right kind of mindset as a young lady, on what her role would be as a godly girlfriend. Although I haven’t scripturally found the role of a girlfriend, the Bible often talks about the role of a woman in general. A young lady courting or looking to court, does not submit to the authority of a boyfriend, however she does not take authority over him to change him either. Women weren’t commanded anywhere in the Bible to take an authority over a man, in any role.

     A man has an individual walk with God, he has the career and life choices that God has laid out for him at his current time, for a reason. Ecclesiastes 3:1-“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:” If he’s been saved and is praying about what God wants in his life, and you’re courting him, you’re obviously considering him worthy as a future leader. It’s especially important to keep your place as a woman, because he’s obviously looking for those qualities in you. If you can’t respect him now, you never will, and it will be a red flag to him. Courtship is not the big moment to take over his life and change him. He’s not your mission project, he’s you’re boyfriend. Respect him, because he’s respecting God, which should be the first thing you’re looking for.

     Here are some scriptures that I like to use to defend the "innocent and accused man," and become the kind of lady that a godly man is looking for! (When I say innocent and accused, it’s because it’s not fair to blame him when he’s not around to defend himself.) You can blame him verbally, by alluding to him, or like everyone else, on social media. REMEMBER: There are always two sides to any story, so let’s just worry about ourselves.

• Let God lead his life: I know as long as he’s saved and personally seeking God’s will, that’s all that matters. He answers to God, not to me. He can’t always please others and God at the same time…that translates to “he might always not do what pleases me if He knows God wants him to do differently.” If my heart is right, I’ll just be happy when he makes a decision that The Lord has lead him to make. That could mean his career, if he wants to go to college or training, if The Lord leads him into missionary service…I need to watch him grow. Biblically I would be wrong to put up a boundary or stipulation between him and God. Ephesians 6: 6-7 “Not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart; With good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men:”
• Let him take charge over his responsibilities: He’s going to have to take responsibility over his wife, children, finances, and career anyway, it’s his commandment from God’s Word. Ephesians 5:23 “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.” I know we all think “he’s not my husband.” However, you’re not his wife, so you should be watching him do his thing if you’re considering accepting him as a husband.  Do not tell him what to do. We must make sure we aren’t conniving as women, trying to manipulate him and give him ultimatums to get our way. We aren’t supposed to do that in any role as a woman in general, whether it be a wife or girlfriend. I Timothy 2:9-14 “In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.” When I really studied this out, it really meant something to me and helped me to have the right perspective. To me it was especially helpful because it wasn’t taken from a passage referring to being a wife. It was a general statement on the behavior a woman should have, and why we have been given the role that we have. It’s extra special!
• Be loveable: Proverbs 27:15 "A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike." This one really made me smile! Could you imagine your poor boyfriend or husband? Figuratively being a raincloud above him? Literally being the wrong kind of woman. The definition of contentious is one who causes a lot of arguments, and provokes heated situations. The Bible actually tells us that a woman like that is like a “continual dropping in a very rainy day.” I want to ask God more often for loveable qualities like Galatians 5:22-23 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.” I want to ask Him for compassion like Proverbs 31:20 “She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.” I want to ask God to truly make me the “help meet” He intended me to be in Genesis 2:18 “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” We should all want to be found faithful whether we are preparing for courtship, or as a girlfriend or a wife, to keep his personal matters to ourselves when he chooses to share, and always speak good and positive about him to others. Proverbs 11:13 “A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter.”

    

    Deep down we all have to know that it’s not always the fault of the man. We have to know that we are a constant work in progress as well. We were designed to allow God to lead our lives individually, and never take control over ourselves or anyone else. “Ephesians 2:10 “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.”

     Courting and marriage should be an exciting time. It takes a lot of prayer to prepare ourselves for a courtship or marriage, to be in the right mindset, role and most importantly the will of God. Stepping out of the role, and over our boundaries as a woman can hurt a man. It can cause a lot of heartache and a lot of tension in any relationship. My advice to you is to keep your boundaries when it would become over-involved or overbearing, let him put God before you. Pray your way through each difference, and handle each situation as Christ would desire. Ask God to be the kind of woman that a saved man chasing after God’s will is looking for…you won’t have to worry about “what you deserve” if you do, often times when we change ourselves, the things we “think” are the problems, really aren’t the problems. Ezekiel 36:26 “Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.”

      My prayer is to be the kind of lady with Christ-like traits that can someday watch the man God chooses for me, follow God’s leading in his life. Instead of wishing for him to reach for the stars, my prayer is that his dreams are like Jacob’s ladder to Heaven, where they reach far beyond what the stars would ever have to offer! Be excited for every single opportunity God gives him, and be thankful for the honor that it is to watch him step upward in his work for God’s service, whatever that may be, in whatever role God has placed you in this very moment! (Reference taken from Genesis 28:10-22)

God Bless!

~Samantha